oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
