In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
