WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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