Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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