i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
