Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
