my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
