Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
