Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
