you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
