No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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