Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
