smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
