Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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