I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
