So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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