So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
