Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
