All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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