I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
