but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
