Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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