fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
