My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
two words...techno handjob
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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