I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
