Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
