I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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