Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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