ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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