so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
