so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
