Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
