you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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