i would punch a child for taco bell
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
