Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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