i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
