so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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