can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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