YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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