smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
