I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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