You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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