I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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