I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
