I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
