Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
