he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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