there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
