3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
