I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish i was in the wii world.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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