you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
