he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
