oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
