lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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