So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
