i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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