Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
