I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
