So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would ride that face into the sunset
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
