somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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