so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
