We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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