It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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