I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
